Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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