I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
