You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
