I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
