sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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