If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
