I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
