She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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