problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
