can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
