cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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