Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
