This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
