You just made me feel so damn special
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
