i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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