happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
