Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
