i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
the room spins SO much faster in panama
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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