I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
