see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's blow job season.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
