He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
