I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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