literally had 100 drinks last night.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
