Umm I'm too high to move.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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