You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
