WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
