Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
