Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
