i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
