Please, let me fuck your mom
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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