my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
