i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
