Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
