today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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