im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
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