If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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