it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
false alarm. still invincible.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
