she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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