i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The air taste purple.
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