I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
