I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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