farters have to be the big spoon...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
