At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
