No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
