I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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