if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Green mimosas i think yes
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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