My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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