The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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