he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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