he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
