I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
