i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
