im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
