she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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