On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
All the doctor said was why
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
