Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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