Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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