after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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