My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
