you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
