Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
