Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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